Giving the gift of acceptance

You know the courteous car driver that stops and waves for you to cross the street at a crosswalk? Or maybe the person who holds the door open for you as you enter a building? Maybe it's just your coworker offering you some skittles. All of these are gifts being offered to you.

Accept. Acknowledge. Thank.

How do you feel when someone thanks you for doing some favor? Pretty good, right? What if someone opens the other door instead of entering through the one you're holding for them? Then you might feel a little foolish and overlooked.

With each gift offered, an equivalent gift is returned to the offeror upon acceptance. This return gift is simply a feeling of wellness, having done something kind for another. By rejecting a gift offered, a gift you yourself could deliver in return is withheld. Gift-giving is a two-way street. One shouldn't feel indebted to another for graciously accepting a gift, however small, that is offered to them. The gift-giver receives his/her "compensation" in the positive feeling derived from your acceptance.

This is why it's actually more selfish to refuse gifts than it is to accept them. By refusing a gift, or insisting on being the giver (imagine two people at a four-way stop sign waving each other on), you rob the gift-giver of the positive feeling needed to reinforce his generous efforts. The sheepish feeling he/she feels instead will actually discourage him/her from repeating the behavior in the future.

Don't think of a gift as a threat to your independence or self-sufficiency; most of the time you'll be fine, regardless. Rather, think of it as a mutually beneficial interaction where both parties are giving and receiving something in exchange. It takes humility to graciously accept a gift. Prove that you have some.